Not yours
by Tempted Sacrifice
Summary: Nellie Lovett is in love with Sweeney Todd, who doesn't care for her. But someone else does. *AU, OOC. Rated T to be safe. ONE-SHOT.


**Disclaimer: **_I don't own anything!_

**Not yours**

**҉**

Scrubbing the disk with vigour, Nellie Lovett tried to fight back the tears that stung in her eyes. Her hands felt sore, after putting so much pressure on them, but it was better than the empty ache in her chest, and the hollow sound of her heart beating.

Stilling her movements, she let the rag fall to the floor. Dust danced around, shimmering in the dark confines of her bakery, the light from the afternoon sun reflecting upon them.

Hearing _him_ stomp above her, the floorboards creaking ever so often, made Nellie fall to the floor, clutching the cloth above her heart, closing her eyes as the pain rippled through her body. Soft sobs escaped her mouth, and once she started, they only grew louder, and she was sure that he could hear it, most probably laughing at her pathetic whimpers.

_But it hurts so much, Mr. Todd. What does _she _have that I don't?_

A bitter laugh escaped her mouth.

_Every man on Earth would pick Lucy over me, foolish of me to think otherwise._

With tears trickling down her pale face at a steady pace, she let herself go, and she slumped to the floor, crying with gusto as she tugged at her auburn curls, feeling like she'd been ripped apart, only to be stitched together. But instead of healing, she got infected, and darkness swept through her, pulling her into the black abyss that awaited her, and for the first time ever in her life, she welcomed the cold embrace that was offered to her.

Sun trickled in through the grimy windows, and Nellie awoke with a pounding head, and she curled into a small ball, her back protesting. Shielding her eyes from the rays of light, she tried to fall back in to the numb state she'd been in for the last few hours.

Groaning in frustration when nothing happened, she steadied herself with her arms and got into a sitting position, craning her neck. It snapped loudly and she winced before pushing her chest forward, stretching her back.

'Ugh, I really should consider finding another place to wallow in from now on.' She said to herself as she rose up fully. Starting to clean up the pastries that she'd started making last night, but not finished she hummed softly, trying to keep her mind occupied, so as not to let herself think about Sweeney Todd.

When the musty dough was vanished, she started making a new batch, her hands kneading harshly. After having moulded the paste into the small cups, she started making the cheap filling, feeling exhilarated that she didn't have to use the meat from human beings, because even though it sold good, she didn't like dealing with all the blood and the God awful stench.

Putting the finished pastries on a tray, she pushed them inside the small oven behind her before dusting off her hands. Flinging off the ruined fingerless fishnet gauntlets, she decided that after cleaning her person that she would go to the market to buy a pair of new ones.

She quickly penned down a note for Mr. Todd, in case he would come looking for her, _as if_, he would know where she is. Moving the now complete pastries on the flourished surface she left them there to cool down as she marched over to her own quarters, the dirty skirts of her dress swishing around her boot clad feet.

Freshly dressed in a new corset dress, stockings, hosieries and her old shoes, she put on an overcoat, letting the heavy material cover her small frame. Lastly, she covered the top of her head with a black hat, lace, pearls and other decorations covering the fabric.

As she left the store, the doorbell rang, and her black eyes were drawn to the window above her bakery, but not even a shadow could be seen.

_He will not love you._

Sighing sadly, she squared her shoulders, holding her chin high as she walked the long street that would lead her to the market. _Don't think about him. Don't think about him. Don't think about him._

As her heels clicked against the cobblestones, she took the chance to enjoy the weather, abnormally chilly for October. But the coldness didn't face her at all; instead, she thought it was much better than the warmth of the summer. _Though she often dreamed of owning a house by the beach._

For the moment though, this weather suited her much better. It helped the ache in her chest, eased it the tiniest amount.

Stopping at the outskirts of the crowd of people, she felt slightly intimidated, as she hadn't been out as often as she used to, now that Mr. Todd lived in the apartment above her. She worried about him and his odd behaviour, and didn't like leaving him alone. She thought of going back, missing him already, but thinking of the pain he caused her all the time, she shook her head, and threw herself in the throng, searching for the lovely Ms. Gardener, who had the best gloves in town.

'That will be 90 pence. Have a good day Mrs. Lovett.' Handing the young woman the right amount of money, Nellie bid her good bye and walked over, drawing the coat more firmly around her. A shiver wracked through her body as a cold wind swept by, and her hat almost fell off.

_Maybe I'll take a cuppa coffee before heading back._

Nodding to herself, she searched for the cheapest one, knowing that she couldn't afford anything better than the worst. But before she even found that shop, someone dragged her in to a dark alley, forcing her back against the wall. It was too dark for her to see anything, and she squirmed, trying to kick her attacker, but he was strong, and as he leaned his body against her, she was effectively trapped.

'Who are you?' Her voice shook somewhat terribly, and she was ashamed to admit that her whole body was trembling in fear. Suddenly, a hand wrapped around her curls, and with a tug, she was forced to follow whoever it was deeper inside the alley. As they walked further, it narrowed, and soon they had to walk so that his front was pressed against her back.

And not even once did it occur to her that she could scream.

'Open your eyes.' She blinked, not even realizing that she'd shut them, and her back went rigid, recognizing the oily voice easily. Judge Turpin.

'What do you want?' With a hard tug, she broke free and she turned around to glare harshly at the man, who was nothing but a mere shadow in the darkness. He didn't answer, and she faltered a bit, biting her full bottom lip. 'What do you want?' She asked again, but more softly, and it sounded almost like a whisper.

A bird chirped happily somewhere, and she turned her head to see a broken swing, covered in frost. On the small wooden bench, a small bird sat, head snapping ever so often, beady eyes shining.

'I've heard some strange rumours about the barber that lives above your shop.'

She jumped, not having realized that he'd gotten so close during her observation of the swing, and as his word sunk in, she froze, fear gripping at her heart as she thought of the horrendous things that the judge would do if he found out about the slaying.

'Oh.' Swallowing down the lump in her throat, she wrung her hands, trying to come up with an excuse to missing people on Fleet Street.

'I know what Sweeney Todd is doing.' He exhaled, and his minty breath caressed the juncture that separated neck from shoulder. 'And I've come up with an offer.

'He gets Johanna, if he leaves this town immediately. I cannot have some barbaric man slay the entire population.' Frowning, Nellie turned to face Turpin, who was staring at her, and a chill ran down her spine as she narrowed her eyes at him. How did he know that Sweeney Todd was in fact Benjamin Barker?

'And what do you get out of this?'

Waiting for him to answer, she averted her gaze, staring at a crack on the brick wall on her left, her heart beating loudly in her chest. She didn't want to lose Mr. Todd. She didn't want him to leave her, all alone with nothing left to live for.

'I get you.'

She jerked her head upwards, eyes going wide as she stared at the man in front of her. He couldn't be serious, could he?

'Why would I want to be with you?' She shivered, thinking of what had happened to poor Lucy, when the judge wanted her.

"Mr. Todd!" She said in a sing-song voice, though her heart was breaking on the inside. Tripping on one of the stairs, she clung to the banister. The door to the barber's shop opened, and a shock of black hair peaked through, his empty eyes staring at her, nothing but black holes in his head. But soon his attention was directed on the person beside him, and for the first time in months, Nellie saw a smile on his pasty-white skin, and jealously squeezed the air from her lungs as she saw the man open his mouth, only to close it again.

'Is it really?' His voice sounded raspy, and he took a tentative step forward, and the blonde on Nellie's side rushed forward. Johanna's arms wrapped around her father's, and the latter stood still as a statue, staring at the blonde for a long time.

A tear slipped down his face, and he brought the girl in for a tight hug. Swallowing at the scene, Nellie slowly walked down the rickety stairs, ever so often glancing at the daughter and father.

Bringing her hand to her mouth, she choked on a sob, leaning against the wall. Soon the tears came, and she wrapped one arm around her abdomen, feeling like she was being strangled, as air refused to fill her lungs with oxygen.

'Mrs. Lovett!' Rearranging her features, she wiped her eyes. Mr. Todd came running down the stairs, a huge smile on his face. 'Thank you, thank you.'

He looked so happy, and the lines on his face seemed to smooth out as he held Johanna's hand. A piece of her soul faded as she saw the sight that was presented to her, wishing that she could be a part of his family, as his wife.

'I'll be leaving tonight. But first I have to buy some new clothes to my daughter.' Pride shone on his face as he stared at the beautiful blonde, who looked so much like her mother. Nodding, she watched as they walked away, and before she broke down on the street, she hurried inside, and went to the only place no one would come looking for her.

When the heavy door creaked open her nose was immediately assaulted with the stench of rotten flesh. It was the perfect place to mourn.

Sobbing, she slid down the wall. Her legs were sprawled out in front of her, the many skirts pooling around her. She gently touched the spot on her neck, where a thin silvery line lay. It was proof that Mr. Todd had been there. Because somehow, her mind tried to tell her that he was a figment of her imagination.

It had been hard, losing him twenty years ago, but it was heart-breaking, to lose him twice. And she had no idea how she would be able to survive with Judge Turpin.

_He probably only used me to get rid of Mr. Todd, and now that he's gone, he will not come after me. _

It had been a month since Sweeney Todd left town, and Nellie was still a mess. She'd hardly eaten at all, and her clothes hung loosely around her body, not clinging to her curves as it'd done prior to the evening that Mr. Todd left with Johanna.

Almost all of her time was spent in the basement, where she took comfort in the disgusting stench. It reminded her of him, and even though she wanted to forget him, she loved him too much for that to happen. And as she'd guessed, Judge Turpin didn't come for her.

For some odd reason, it disappointed her slightly, but she shrugged it off as starvation for affection. No one had ever really wanted her for who she was, and for a second, she'd thought that the judge had seen something in her that others didn't. But that was of course just wishful thinking, because he didn't even know her, probably not even her name. He just said that to trick her into getting rid of the barber.

Sighing softly, she decided to get some cleaning done, and rose from the cold floor. Taking one last look around the room, she promised herself never to go back again. Even though she didn't want to, she needed to move on. She couldn't dream of Mr. Todd coming back for her, and confess his love for her, because it would never happen.

It had taken two thirds of her life to realize that, and she knew that it would be a long and painful process for the open wound in her chest to fade into a healed scar.

As she trudged up the stairs, she wondered if someone would ever say _I love you _to her. But it didn't seem very likely, as it hadn't happened the forty years she'd been alive. Not even Abe, her deceased husband told her that. He only married her because it was the right thing to do, as she'd become pregnant with his child. But it died in her womb, two months before it would've been born. After that, he had started to abuse her, verbally and physically. But he never touched her intimately. And if he did, it was without her consent.

Forcefully shaking her head to shake those thoughts out of her head, she grabbed the broom and started sweeping the floor.

Four hours later, the bakery looked the same as before, and she sighed, leaning on her elbow against the counter. Her whole attire was a mess, and dirt was stuck in her auburns curls.

_Who would ever want me?_

Days flew by in a blur, and she had closed the shop, knowing that she wouldn't get any work done. She had locked herself inside her parlour, reading and rereading the few dusty books on her shelf.

Life seemed so dull, and there were moments where she thought of taking suicide, but always pushed it away. She was scared to die alone. And she didn't think anyone would come looking for her, because to everyone else, she could as well have disappeared a long time ago, as she never went outside anymore.

A knock on the door shocked her so much that she fell of the chaise she was sitting on. Scrambling up, she cautiously walked across the room, her hand closing around the brass knob.

_Is it Mr. Todd maybe?_

A flutter of hope rose in her chest, and she quickly flung the door open, only to slump when she was that it wasn't the dark-haired man she'd wished for. Instead Judge Turpin stood there, looking as pristine and clean as ever. She felt very ugly in her unwashed rags and sick appearance.

'What?' She demanded. She felt like crying, and didn't want him to see her misty eyes. Swallowing loudly, she waited impatiently for him to answer. Crossing her arms over her chest, she stared at him.

'You never showed up.' He said accusingly, and swiftly stepped through the door, pushing her aside. 'I became worried, and I started looking for you. But you weren't here, and for a moment, I thought that Mr. Todd had taken you with him. But he would never do anything like that, after he'd gotten his precious daughter back. So I waited. And finally, I saw you in the shop.

'But you weren't the woman...' He stopped, and she was curious. She wasn't what? 'Anyway, I decided that I would let you come to me, but that never happened. At first I was worried, to see you neglecting your health, but then I became angry. "Why isn't she coming?" I would ask myself. I hadn't realized that his leaving would affect you so badly.' He said the last part bitterly, glaring a whole at the wall behind her.

'You are coming with me.'

Before she got the chance to protest, he had dragged her out of the building, and pushed her inside a carriage. She tried to escape, but he closed the door, and off they went.

After a bumpy ride, they arrived at the judge's home, and it seemed to swallow the whole street up with its size.

Taking a hold of her hand, Turpin took her inside, and she was immediately filled with warmth. She hadn't even realized that she was freezing until she was brought inside. Tired of being alone, and tired of thinking, she let him lead her upstairs and into an extravagant room.

'Stay here.' He ordered before he abruptly left the room. She didn't have to wait long before a maid came inside, an old woman who looked very kind. She clucked her tongue before walking over to Nellie, and gently led her to the bathroom.

'Master said that you are in dire need of cleansing. I didn't think it would be this bad.' The maid matronly woman mumbled to herself as she turned on the taps, feeling at the water occasionally until she deemed it perfect. 'Take off your clothes and hop inside.'

It was an order, and even though Nellie felt highly uncomfortable undressing in front of another person, she did as she was told, until she only had her brassiere and panties on. Slipping into the bathtub, she closed her eyes.

It felt heavenly.

When she was finished in the bathroom, another woman came and dressed her in a beautiful dress, so unlikely the once she owned. Nothing was done to her hair, and her face was cleaned of the smears of make-up. And she was ready for... Whatever was planned?

She just hoped that she wouldn't meet the same fate Lucy had. Shivering, she shrugged the thought of.

'You look... Ravishing.' Judge Turpin said when she entered the dining room. She had half-expected there to be loads of people, but he was the only one there. 'Come, sit down.'

Walking over, she sat down on the seat beside him, staring at the tablecloth. Her stomach churned when she smelled food, and brought her hand to her mouth, feeling the bile rise in her throat.

'You need to eat.' Turpin said, holding her hand in his. It felt odd, but nice at the same time. She desperately wanted to shake his hand off, but she also liked the feeling of skin against skin. She wondered if she was going insane, thinking of the horrendous man like a potential... Something.

The food was soon brought inside the room, and she really wanted to vomit. But she was force-fed a small amount of bread and soup, things that were easily digested. And she did feel slightly better afterwards.

She didn't quite understand why he was doing this all. He wasn't a kind man, nor did he care for women. So why was she an exception?

When they sat in front of the dying fire, embers glowing brightly, she turned to face him.

'Why do you do this?'

He didn't answer at first, and she thought that he wouldn't say anything, but he took her hand in his again, rubbing small circles with his thumb over her knuckles.

'I thought it was quite clear.' He said with a smirk. He kissed her palm lightly, and butterflies suddenly erupted in her stomach. She blamed it on the lack of human contact. 'I like you.'

Frowning, she asked him why. And he did something completely unexpected. He laughed. A rich laugh, filled with humour. Her frown deepened, and she turned away slightly, thinking that this was it. But she didn't care. At least that's what she told herself.

_You can't like him. He's evil, and you're in love with Mr. Todd._

But still, she felt hurt by his reaction. She didn't know why, and she didn't care to know the reason.

'Silly woman.' He whispered, with a hint of affection before bringing her closer. She was confused by him. 'I may not have noticed you until Mr. Todd came, but ever since I first laid my eyes on you, I couldn't look away. You are so unlike any other woman, and I found myself enthralled by you. At first I was disgusted by myself, but as time passed, I learned to accept it. But then the burning longing came, tearing at my insides, begging to be let free, to claim you.

'But first I had to get rid of Sweeney Todd. And the perfect opportunity came when I realized that he was Benjamin Barker. And I didn't feel the need to be with Johanna anymore. So I offered to give her to him, if you became mine.'

'I'm not yours.' She whispered, but she felt giddy at his words, but also disgusted by her sudden attraction to him. She didn't understand why she would change her opinion of him so quickly. A shiver ran through her body at his next words, either because of nausea or delight.

'You will be, my dear. You will be.'


End file.
